I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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