So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
