Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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