you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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