I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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