Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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