just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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