The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
