butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
