Sponge bath it is.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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