Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
