i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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