two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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