he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
