You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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