he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
