Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
