I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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