I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
