Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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