he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
