physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
