Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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