Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
