Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
