do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
