fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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