I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize