walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
