Can Purell be used as lube?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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