We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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