We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
