nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
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