I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize