A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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