is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
