Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
