She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
