When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The best revenge is premature balding
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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