At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
