Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
