Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
