if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
