So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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