You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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