Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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