You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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