He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
