Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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