i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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