you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
