Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
