I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize