I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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