I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
