And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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