Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
