Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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