Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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