I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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