So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
