erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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