I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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