I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
