I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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