If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
