I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize