I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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