ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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