I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
