I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
